Life is short and hard

10:17AM

Your True Birth Month Is May

Restless Spendthrift Hardworking High spirited Deep feelings Understanding Easily angered Sharp thoughts Loves traveling Easily consoled Loves to dream Weak breathing Firm standpoint Easily influenced Strong physically Good imagination Strong clairvoyance Good debating skills Needs no motivation Dislike being at home Systematic (left brain) Not having many children Stubborn and hard-hearted Loves literature and the arts Beautiful physically and mentally Attracts others and loves attention Strong-willed and highly motivated Prone to sickness usually in the ear and neck

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious. You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep. Overall, you are very content in your life. Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities. Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

10:45AM

I'm extremely bored, so I just wanted to do a lot of quizzes and post them all, just to annoy all of you, so ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You scored as Demon. Demon: Darkness is your sanctuary. Demons are many and are all different in appearence and rank. The most common are the ones that feed off of human souls. They love to make someone fall into their inner darkness. Blood, wrath, murder... You name it they love it. These beings don't care who you are, if they set their sights on you, let's just hope you know a good excorist. They kill any love within you and pull you toward their side. By any means possible. You wish for chaos and hate, you are the Demon. </td> Demon 84% Mermaid 67% Faerie 59% Dragon 50% WereWolf 42% Angel 33% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Ashlee Simpson. You are most like Ashlee Simpson (looks are not identical you just have similar features) </td> Ashlee Simpson 69% Pamela Anderson 63% Lindsay Lohan 50% Michael Jackson 44% Paris Hilton 31% What Celebrity Could Be Your Twin!? (Awesome!!) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Cute without the 'E' - Taking Back Sunday. You are "Cute without the E" by Taking Back Sunday. You have been hurt in the past and it's messed with your head quite a bit. You care about your friends more than anything in the world, and tend to have mood swings, you go from overly happy to overly depressed very quickly. You love and refuse to stop believing in the people you love - you can't let them go. </td> Cute without the 'E' - Taking Back Sunday 90% Work - Jimmy Eat World 85% Too Far Gone - All American Rejects 80% Minority - Green Day 80% Buried a Lie - Senses Fail 80% Helena - My Chemical Romance 80% Save Me - Unwritten Law 75% You know what they do to guys like us in prison - My Chemical Romance 75% Feeling This - Blink 182 75% Home - Three Days Grace 70% The Middle - Jimmy Eat World 65% You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday 60% Burnout - Green Day 55% What emo/rock song are you? created with QuizFarm.com

10:41AM

You are Van Gogh Google

You are deep and thoughtful and creative and
sometimes can be lonely. You may not be arty
like Van Gogh himself but singing, painting,
drawing, writing, dancing and playing an
instrument are all forms of art too. Sometimes
you may feel lonely but you always have an
escape from it all through your art form,
whatever it may be.

People love you for your intelligence and
creativity and your ability to see life in a
whole other way.


Which Google Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



You are a Radical. Right on!


What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2:10PM

I'm sorry everyone.

I feel the need to change journals yet again.

You will get the username off me eventually if I feel you serve a purpose in my life.







...............And I was having such a good day.

I love you all

11:07AM

You scored as Gail. </td> Gail 100% Lucielle 90% Marv 80% Dwight 65% Kevin 60% Shelley 50% Goldie 45% Miho 45% Manute 45% Jackie Boy 30% That Yellow Bastard 25% Becky 20% Hartigan 15% Nancy 15% What Sin City Character are You? created with QuizFarm.com

10:02AM

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

8:07AM

Okay, so a little explanation before I go on. Brett’s job requires him to be gone for 2 weeks at a time. He drives a semi-truck. I’ve seen his truck and it’s fucking awesome. It’s bright fucking orange, the whole thing. But yeah, he comes home for three to five days and then he has to leave for another 2 weeks.

So I thought that Brett had to leave yesterday before I got home. He told me to call him when I got home from school, so I did. He told me that he had till 7 the next morning, and that he talked to Lila and Rick about us dating, and they are both happy for us. weirdness. So Brett spent the night last night, and I introduced him to anime. We stayed up all night watching Final Fantasy: Unlimited and then Animatrix, then some Ghost in a Shell, but then I fell asleep. I guess he really liked it, so I’m happy that I corrupted yet another soul due to anime. I ended up waking up at around 4 in the morning, and he was still up. He put Final Fantasy back in (BONUS!!!!!!!) and he said he couldn’t sleep.

So we were talking and telling each other our life stories, and I told him about what happened when I was little, and then about Bobby, and Grandpa Feld and Uncle Rick, and then moving and the history of my father, and relationships, and about all the important people in my life, and last summer, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I summed it all up in about 7 seven minutes. He told me a lot also, and he took longer to say it all, but I do believe I talked more, which I hate. We fucking cried together. It was weird.

Rosie also came over yesterday and met Brett, and we took a trip to Family Video because he had to get some porn for Jay. Then I climbed the balcony thing because they weren’t home, and we hid it in one of the boxes outside. I told Rosie that I’m still in that “awwwww” stage. He's not just hot, he's just so goddamn nice, and he's got that voice that you feel couldn't ever be raised. I'm not being stupid and saying that he doesn't get mad because everyone does, but from what little I know is that he rarely does.

but he does know how to wrestle. I kicked his ass. He tried to tackle my legs and I lifted up my knee and hit his collar bone. I thought I dislocated my knee, but by the end of the day, he had a black and blue bruise about the size of a half dollar coin. I felt a bit better after that, but bad for him.

So I just realized that I'm going on and on and on about Brett, and it's probably annoying. So I'm gonna take my only slept for 2 hours ass and go to sleep because we have a sub for Ms. Martin.

10:08AM

Your wise quote is: "Fashion is a form of
ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter
it every six months" by Oscar Wilde.
You are a very sarcastic person with a sharp
tongue. You may not be the one always talking,
but your mind is nevertheless critizing. You
tend to have a cynical view on life itself and
be somewhat withdrawn with who you really are.
Society now is in your eyes corrupted and you
wonder how the world will survive. And people
are in your mind very ignorant and blind to the
reality.


What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED
brought to you by Quizilla



You are the depressed/dreamer anime girl.You either
lost somebody you love or somebody broke you
heart so bad that you can't pick up the
shattered pieces without hurting yourself.You
think nobody can heal your wounds but don't
stop looking because you never know who loves
you enough to try hell the one special guy
could be right infront of your eyes and you
don't even know it.You also love to day dream
because it seems like the only place that makes
you happy.BBut little do you know that people
all around you are trying to make you happy and
you won't let them in fearing you'll get
another heartbreak or get hurt worse.But just
try and if things go wrong just brush it off
and try again.It never hurts to try.One more
thing never let that lost love one leave you
heart keep them in forever and keep their
memory alive.


If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only)
brought to you by Quizilla



You are Heroin (aka: smack, dope, brown sugar...).
You are the most dangerous drug between all
other kinds. You are bold, deep, dark,
mysterious, have your own world. You are
classified as class (A) illegal drugs.


What kind of Drugs are you? and how that reflect your personality?
brought to you by Quizilla



You're Bettie Page!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

7:40AM

Wow………… okay so Saturday, went to work, came home, Amber called, so I told her to come to Rosie’s party for a bit, then we went to Rosie’s, Amber came and left, played some Frisbee type sport, went back to her place, jumped on the trampoline while a few guys were looking at my boobs. I didn’t enjoy it, but I didn’t care. Then everyone that was there sat on the trampoline and we all talked. Then Nick left, talked to this guy Eric, he seemed cool. I got his number and we’re supposed to go to The Vou this weekend, but I honestly think that’s not going to happen. I met some really cool people. Also, to rosie, I told Amber that I would get her number from you.

So then I left, and tried to go to sleep. I got a call at 2 in the morning from Brett, who was the guy I was totally checking out when I was spray painting my shelf. Rick, Nick’s step-dad, adopted him legally awhile ago. So he invited me over to where Nick was……. At Jay and Tasha’s new place. So he picked me up, and hung out, Nick was GONE………. And I guess Nick told him that I thought he was hot, so we talked, and talked, and talked, and made out, and talked some more. It was sweet. I was so drunk but it was cool. I still remember what went on and what was said.

So we cuddled that night. And we woke up and now we’re dating, and he spent the night last night and it was beautiful. I’m so happy. Extremly.

11:02AM

Okay, so the last entry was the story/memoir thing I wrote about. The girl I talk about is a combination of many people, and Will is modeled after someone else, just the tone of it.

it's long, so I'm warning you.

the story was inspired by Bobby, if you didn't know already.

dumbasses

10:58AM

"My Happy Ending"



I held her as the pool grew bigger on the floor. She would mumble every so often, telling me how good it felt, how warm she was, how it didn’t hurt. How she didn’t hurt. Her small body lay almost perfectly in my arms, and it was morbidly beautiful. The last moments of her life were spent with me, and the last time I heard her voice was spent saying “Those who want happy endings have to write them their selves.”

The next day was spent like any other day. Went to school, went to work, came home, and that’s when it hit me. There would be no more of our two hour phone conversations about everything, but nothing in particular. There would be no more video game nights and waking up to next to her on the hood of my car in the morning. No more Lazer Tag Lock-In’s or playing DanceDanceRevolution in the arcade. No more contests seeing who could get the most phone numbers in a three hour time frame. I cried myself to sleep that night.

School the next day was kind of odd. The word was out. Amlei had killed herself. Most of the girls didn’t know her and the guys didn’t really care, with the exception of “the crew.” Everyone who did know her, and in turn know me, tried all that comforting crap and tried to make me happy. I got the usual “I’m sorry about you girlfriend.” I didn’t even feel like explain over and over again that we weren’t going out.

I’ve known Amlei since the beginning of high school, and we were just together ever since. She was fun to be around. We would do the regular stuff with the crew like play video games and skateboard, but she always came up with the crazy new stuff to do in between those times. Shopping carts races at four in the morning in the Meijers parking lot, making zombie movies that take three hours to make and five days to edit, and going to the Detroit Electronic Music Festival with her bright red hair put in two foot high spikes. She was wild and crazy and I loved her. But we never dated.

I went out with the guys a couple of days later. We went to the arcade and played some games. Eric confronted me on my sudden losing streak. “Dude, I know you’re all bummed about Amlei, but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” I just looked at him through the corner of my eye while I still shot at the enemy soldiers on the screen.

“There’s two things you could do Will. You can take a couple days off, and wallow around in your own self-pity, get over it and carry on with your life…”

I knew what he was going to say. I pleaded with him in my mind not to say it. But I egged him on anyway. “Or…”

Eric sighed. “Or you could be a coward and kill yourself like your girlfriend did”
I punched him in the mouth and found great satisfaction in watching him fall to the ground. I stated calmly, “She wasn’t my girlfriend. Amlei was the coolest chick ever, and you’re just pissed because she had more balls then you.”

I found myself on top of the parking garage downtown. Amlei loved it up here. On a clear day you could see all the way down Michigan Avenue to Detroit, which was about fifteen miles away. Our small town of Wayne was beautiful, if you liked the small town feel, like you’ve already done all the exciting stuff and now there was nothing else to do except get stoned and have sex.
Amlei wasn’t like that. Yes, she hated Wayne, but it brought out the best in her. Her creativity made her unique, and in this town, everyone fought so much to be different that they turned out being the same. She didn’t dress like a stereotypical prep, but she didn’t dress like a goth or punk either. Rebellion came from the mind, and she was the poster girl for it. She didn’t want to be a rebel, she just wanted freedom. I guess she got the epitome of it.

I sat on the hood of my car, still keeping her side open and just sat on top of the garage. I thought about her, every so often looking to the side of me, half expecting to see her staring up at the sky. I though about our last moments, and sadly, how beautiful she looked in her wife-beater and plaid pants that she had cut the bottoms off of. She was covered in blood, but it didn’t matter. Right then, ironically, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Amlei and I were supposed to go flying the next day. It was her lifelong passion, she loved the sky. All the other pilots on the strip questioned me on flying solo. They always made fun of Amlei and I, but me mostly, because we had gotten out license only a year before. Today was actual the one year anniversary of receiving them, so we were going to celebrate my visiting the clouds. I would always fly co-pilot, but I took pilot’s seat as I prepared to see her in that great gig in the sky.

I started down the runways and waited till I built enough speed to get to my favorite part of flying. The sudden loss of gravity pulling at you is the most awesome feeling in the world. I took off and climbed slowly into the sky. I needed to get away, from everyone, from everything, from myself.

I climbed until I couldn’t see the earth. Until I couldn’t see reality or truth. I stayed up there for what seemed like forever, but was actually fifteen minutes. All of a sudden, I wanted out. I was tired of it. I thought I was calmly getting away from everything and that it would all be okay when I came back.

I wasn’t right at all. Amlei was gone, I was depressed. The love of my life killed herself. She slit her wrists with a box cutter and took a whole bunch of pills that I can’t even pronounce the name of, and then chased it down with some cheap vodka. She died in my arms, and didn’t even give me the chance to be her knight in shining armor. She didn’t give me the chance to hold her while she sobbed and tell her everything was going to be alright while she told be about everything that wasn’t. She gave me the ability to write about all the great moments we had, but never gave me the opportunity to tell her how much I needed her.

I didn’t know who to blame. I could blame her for never giving me the chance to say what would have given her a reason to live. I could have blamed myself for never taking that chance whether it was given or not. I could have told myself that no matter what I said, it wouldn’t have made a difference. My heart told me differently.

I didn’t think about Amlei in any different way. I didn’t think of it as her committing suicide. I looked at it as her freeing herself from everything she wouldn’t tell anyone, not even me. She was gone. She didn’t have to deal with anything anymore.

I was pissed at everyone else for not understanding. They didn’t get that she was the strongest person I knew. Through everything she had experienced, she was still just as beautiful on the inside then she was all dressed up. They took her words and actions as proof she was insane. She just wanted to be free from all that.

The clouds parted and I was sitting there, alone in the cockpit, staring at the ground rushing for me. I didn’t feel the need to pull up on the controls and stop myself. Maybe I would die, not fell a thing, and be with Amlei, wherever she was. I didn’t care if Eric would think of me as a coward, or if my parents would even miss me, or if anyone at school would be sad or even care that I died. I would be with the love of my life.

Then I thought about what she would want and what she believed. She had no religion. To her there was no heaven or hell, we were just multi-celled organisms, and when we die, that was it. We had no souls, there was no afterlife. She was also against giving anything, let alone life, for love. If I carried through with this, even if we did meet in heaven, or hell, she would slap me and call me a fool. I was a hopeless romantic, and she wasn’t. There was no doubt in my mind that she would still be like that in death.

It took me awhile to convince myself to pull up. Good thing I did though because I was less then one hundred feet from hitting the ground. I eventually landed and the other pilots congratulated me on pulling out of the dive so fast. I’m glad I didn’t have to explain that one.

Eric came by the next day and wanted to know if I wanted to go up to the arcade and meet the rest of the guys up there. I went along with it. On the way there, he apologized for calling Amlei a coward, and admitted she was more of a man then he was. He also agreed that she was the coolest chick he ever met. I thanked him.

“I miss her too Will, but not as much as you do.” He put his car in park and turned it off. “And the main difference between the crew and you is…”

“You’re not going to give me a talk or anything are you? I mean, I know what I felt, and still feel. You don’t need to make me realized anything. It kind of sounds like your getting mushy on me.”

“You loved her didn’t you?” He was staring at me.

I turned to him and said sternly, “Yes, I did. I still do. I love her so much, you couldn’t POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. I watched her slowly die in my arms. The person I would have spent the rest of my life with fucking killed herself and I saw all of it, and I couldn’t do shit.”

The facial expression he had told me he was kind of intimidated. It probably didn’t help that I was one degree short of yelling at him. “I’m sorry I said anything.”

I wasn’t pissed anymore. I had finally gotten it out verbally. “Can we go now? Ten bucks says I can get more numbers then you.”

Let’s just say that I whooped ass in DDR and I got one of the top ten scores in one of the shooting games, as well as beat Eric in every game we both took part in. I guess a person just has as much fun as they make. Someone once told me that those who want a happy ending have to write it their selves. I’m not ready to write mine yet, but I’ll try to make it an interesting read.

10:57AM

Your word is: Pessimistic. Everything in life you
see as a negative thing. Whatever it is, it's
always going to end badly. You feel frustrated
that everything is falling apart while you
can't do anything, but at the same time you are
no risk-taker. It is likely that you've become
this way by experience. Nothing, or rarely
anything, turned out good for you, and now bad
is a fact in your life. You are also more
likely to sulk in a corner than change your way
of life. But why change, when you've figured
out how it all works?


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

11:40AM

May 28, 29, and 30th are the dates for TechFest. I guess my sister's friends Doug and Dan are gonna be playing there too. I think that's cool as shit.

Today................ horrible day, but nothing a nap or a couple shots can't cure. Maybe both???????

I'm tired as fuck.

The walk ended up keeping me up till about 2:30 in the morning. Rosie knows what I'm talking about.

10:44AM

Oh yeah, I forgot.........................

To rose and pam and whoever wants to go... We should plan to go camping again the weekend of June 3rd (a friday) or we can leave sometime that week, and stay for a whole week or something of that sort. I will just have to be back in Wayne June 9th for the anime thingy. It'll be warmer, and we can get a boat, and it'll be sweet, and we will only have to wear sweaters at night.

Oh yeah, Nicks mom took care of the 12 dollars.

So if you want to go, save like $20 from now till then. Get back to me on this.

10:17AM

If you only once would let me
Only just one time
Then be happy with the consequence
With whatever's gonna happen tonight
Don't think we're not serious
When's it ever not
The love we make is give and it's take
I'm game to play along

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time

All the best DJs are saving
Their slowest song for last
When the dance is through
Its me and you
Come on would it really be so bad
The things we think might be the same
But I won't fight for more
Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
Count on that for sure

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
Yeah - We still have time

Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you
Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
We still have time




I think I'm gonna ask Suzie if I could sing this at the Banquet or even at Graduation. It makes me cry every time I hear it. I might have to ask mom to borrow that one computer program where it takes the vocals out of it. I'm not gonna be able to learn the acoustic version in that short of time.

Speaking of mother... I really don't care about my family anymore. I left a note in the door becuase I stopped over there after work and they were'nt there, so it said "I need to talk to you, call me when you get this"

So I get home, horrible day, the world was against me, I was tired, and I hadn't had any nicotine, and Laura, the sister calls me. "Mom said you wanted to talk to her. and she called me to see if I knew what was up." WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!! Why couldn't she just call me in the first place????? If I really wanted to talk to Laura I would have called her. But I didn't, so obviously I wanted to talk to mom. So I tell Laura that I just had a really really bad day and I wanted to talk to mom about it, and she goes, "oh, so you just wanted to vent?" ...............................yeah. "Well we thought it was something more important............ well just give her a call."

I wanted my mother to call me, is that so wrong? I left a note so that I didn't call there just to get the answering machine.

anyways. I have to take a piss, and then do some actual work.

8:16AM

I'm having a bad day today.

I miss Amber, and I've been thinking about Dean a lot lately. Mostly how he was right about me in so many ways.

I'm sad and miserable.

8:14AM

11:40AM

I'm at placement. Got a WHOLE LOT OF SHIT done in school. I'm kickin ass. I feel acomplished and useful. It feels good.

Andy is supposed to come by before he goes to school, and we're gonna go up to JoAnne's and he's gonna make me another outfit for CollosalCon. We drew it out yesterday and it's gonna be badass. I need to get some zippers for some current projects. hotness.

Nick is also thinking about quittig Greenfield, then he talked to Ms. Way and found out that there's only 25 more days of GV left, so we can both pull through with it. And I doubt either of us are gonna pass it so if we don't this card marking, then we just won't go next card marking. Then I'll be working more hours and we will all be more happy people.

Oh yeah, I might be working a second job. It might not be for long, but it'll be something else to do. I have too much free time, and not much motivation to do anything productive besides make clothes while watching TV. What a life huh? But hey!!!! Stacy wants me to make her a dress and she's willing to pay, so I'm left screaming, SWEETNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the longest I've written in awhile, and I've run out of things to say. I also have to clean up the desk I'm at and then it's time to go home.

I love you all, and I hope you all have a good day/evening/night/morning.

and I have finished my memoir thingy, so I will put it up tomorrow.

Current mood: accomplished

8:43AM

here I go again on my own
Goin down the only road I've ever known
Like a twister I was born to walk alone
But I've made up my mind
I ain't wastin no more time

Here I go again..............




Oh yeah, camping was fun. School is back in session. Back to life.

9:10PM

So I went to go see phantom of opera...... awesomeness is all I have to say.

retail fraud is why I got arrested..........

I have a mohawk now......... it's sweet.

me and nick and rosie are going camping tomorrow........

me and Tim are officially not talking anymore. oh well. assholes. i love it.

Helena by My Chemical Romance is great.............

I'm naming my child Amlie Helena and Fredrick William.

I'm still able to be in the NAVY.

My thoughts are everywhere right now.

the world is great right now even though yahoo music sucks ass

I'm done bitches. Andy called me a pain in the ass.... and I am